Category Archives: change

You Are Here? Where are your goals?

  • You Are Here
    You Are Here/ Are you near your goals?

Where are you now? Are you near your goals?

We are mid-way through 2021. Are you where you want to be?

Now is a good time to reflect on what you’ve done and where you are. Take some time to reassess. Are you on track for reaching some of your goals for this year?

The goals don’t need to be lofty. A simple one for today is staying on track to reach a long-term goal.

Stop. Breathe. Think.

Where am I now? Where do I want to be? What is the next right step to point me in that direction?

small steps + simple actions = sustainable progress

What consistent small steps are you taking toward your goal?

Mindset Matters

mindset matters
believe in yourself

As children we believe we can do anything. Our imaginations are powerful and we believe we are as well.

Over time, people in our lives start to dismantle our beliefs in fairies and magic, but also in the possibility that the unknown holds. We become less confident and adopt phrases like “I️ can’t” and “That’s hard” or “I’m scared.”

We grow up feeling stuck by the confines of limiting beliefs. We are willing to attempt only what we know we can achieve.

Mindset matters.

We must have a growth mindset to be able to achieve great things. In order to become unstuck and move forward in our lives we must allow ourselves to try with the possibility of failing. Growth comes from mistakes. Success comes from failures. To reach the next level sometimes we need to take a leap of faith.

Now is the time to renew your faith in yourself and the power you’ve always had inside. Change your mind to change your life. If you’re ready to change but not sure where to start, give me a call.

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Social distancing vs social isolation vs turning away/ignoring

As a therapist, I am having conversations daily about the current health crisis. The discussions range from confusion and fear or anger and a sense of one’s rights being taken away to a cavalier or ambivalent attitude that “this can’t happen to me.”

I have many clients who feel the media is trying to create panic. I have clients who feel they are young and healthy and therefore don’t need to worry and can continue to go about their usual business. And then there are the ones paralyzed with fear and anxiety that this is the end of the world.

I try to bring balance, understanding and a sense of urgency to the conversation without creating panic. I try to help them to understand that this crisis is not about individuals but about communities – local, regional, national AND international. This is a global issue. This is not individual rights – i.e. “it’s my spring break I should travel if I want to!” “it’s not fair that my classes, trip, party, sport, event, etc, got cancelled.”

The majority of my clients are young (18 – 30) and in good health and remind me “I’m not worried about catching this.” A few are anxious that it will kill them or someone they love. 

I find myself trying to explain the goal of social distancing is not to “ruin their lives” but to save lives — many lives. The goal is to have less social contact so that there is less opportunity to spread the disease. The goal is to prevent the possibility of someone who is young and healthy from becoming a carrier of the virus. The goal is to contain the virus where it is and not bring it back to every community. The goal is to attempt to reduce the possibility of thousands of people becoming ill at the same time, because if we achieve this most important goal than our healthcare system won’t be overwhelmed and people will be able to receive proper treatment.

I remind my clients that staying away from crowds does not mean they need to completely isolate. That they can go outside on a nice day and have a walk. That they can and should utilize technology to see friends via video rather than travel across town in public transportation to visit a friend in person. 

Most importantly, I emphasize the importance of not turning away from others or ignoring them. To be mindful that if they have a neighbor who is a member of the high risk, vulnerable population to offer to venture out to the store for that person and drop the package by their front door or deliver a meal. This situation is not about “every man for himself.” This situation is about protecting the community as a whole and remembering to help those in the community who may need the young and healthy to offer assistance and support.

The reality is we need to stay physically distant from others while finding ways to stay socially connected. When we are connected we think about others rather than just ourselves. We remember we are part of a community and right now remembering we are staying home in an attempt to help our communities and the healthcare workers who serve them.

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Resolutions can be barriers to change

Happy New Year!

Are you one of the many people who has made a new year’s resolution? Have you noticed the challenges of resolutions? Most people make them on December 31st and break them before January 15th!

Why?

They often involve huge sweeping changes that are generally overwhelming — vowing to lose a certain number of pounds, to run a marathon, quit smoking, get a new job, move to a new city or just be happier — if you don’t have a plan your idea for change can quickly become and obstacle.

The idea of making changes is a good one. It is attempting a huge change all at once that causes so many failures. People who own gyms LOVE the start of a new year because so many people join as part of a resolution, yet by the end of January or by mid-February many of those same people will not be seen again — some will continue to pay a monthly fee (and not realize it) while others may have already paid in full up front — so the gym owners really don’t care.

When I work with clients I remind them that change happens in incremental steps. I work with them to change their focus from a clothing size, a certain number of calories consumed or the number on the scale to a more tangible and  immediate change — i.e. eat a complete healthy meal, plan a menu for the week, add a fruit or a vegetable, eat mindfully, honor your hunger. These types of changes are immediate and visible and can ultimately lead to the end goal of eating healthfully and having a healthy relationship with food.

If someone has never run a marathon I help them break down the resolution from where they are today. Are they a runner at all? Is the resolution to buy appropriate running shoes and start walking/running? Or is it to increase their current capacity to a half marathon?

Smoking is one of the hardest habits to break. Some believe you must stop immediately, while others consider tapering down. It is important to track when you smoke and why — to understand how much is habit and how much is need (addiction). I had a client who discovered she smoked when bored, anxious or “because everyone else was going on a smoke break.” When she dealt with her anxiety and found a solution to her boredom the change became less difficult. She began knitting in the evenings to keep her hands occupied!

For clients who want to write, draw, paint, etc. I tell them the same thing. Try to do a bit every day. Write a few words, then a sentence and, eventually, a paragraph. Draw a doodle, sketch an object, build from there. Keeping a journal helps — if they can get past the mindset that it is a “daily diary.” I remind them it is not like a teenage diary where a snapshot of each day is committed to paper.  It is about thoughts, ideas, concepts. carry it everywhere and write/draw when ideas strike. Some people use their phones as a substitute. Just allow yourself to be consistent.

Consistency is the key.

So, if you’ve made a resolution for the new year, why not add to it? When implementing changes starts to feel difficult, tell yourself, “I resolve to be consistent about showing up to complete my resolution.

Studies show having someone help you to remain accountable to your goals can increase your chances of achieving them. So find a friend or mentor or hire a coach to help you stay on track.

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